Distraction
by Hermes's Least Favorite Child
Summary: See how the demigods use different methods to distract their camps, gods, and the mortal public in general. Annabeth and Percy propose on the spot and invigorate fighting between the gods, Leo likes caffeine ('nuff said), and Piper...well, she's Piper. R&R! Turned form a one-shot to a three-shot because so many of you fabulous people requested it! -Sherry Pincher, HLFC
1. Chapter 1

"So, how was the—" Percy began asking Malcom when Leo leapt in the middle of them, grabbed the back of his shirt, and dragged Percy away. "Ahhh! Being abducted by a Latino Santa's elf!"

"Be quiet, this is really bad," Leo hissed as he kept on dragging Percy.

After the war with Gaea, on the annual visit Camp Half-Blood had to Olympus, the gods had prepared a small party. And to them what was considered a "small party" was what belonged in America's Party to the Extreme magazine.

"What is it?" Percy whined, swatting Leo's hand away so he could walk upright, although sprinting just as fast as him. This seemed urgent.

"_Big _problem," Leo moaned.

He cut behind a marble pillar where Jason, Piper and Annabeth were waiting. It seemed that Frank and Hazel were at New Rome, walking down the sunny streets (it is in California, after all.)

"What's up?" Annabeth asked, crossing her arms. It seemed that she was just as confused as Percy was.

Jason took in a deep breath. "Leo lost his blackmail magazine of the gods."  
Annabeth and Percy's eyes grew wide. "WHAT?"

"SHHH!" Leo shushed. "I did not _lose _it, Ares took it from me."

"WHAT?!"

He nodded with a wince. "And I don't think the guy's going to be burning it any time soon."

Percy took in a deep breath through his nose to not sock the younger boy in the stomach. "Leo, this is the guy who took the most prized possessions of the Big Three to start a war. If he has dirt on _all _the Olympians, then do you know what's going to happen?"

"World War III," Annabeth said grimly.

"I know where it is, we can get it back," Piper said slowly. "But we need a distraction. He put it in his bag, which is right behind him, and he's not going to part with it during the party. When they all sit on their thrones, he'll put it on the back. If there's a big enough commotion, we may be able to get it out. It'll take all three of us."

"And why do you need us two then?" Percy asked, upset.

She coughed. "What I mean is, it'll take all three of us to open that big bag. It'll take the two of you to think up a good distraction."  
The two demigods blinked, looked at each other, back to Piper, and blinked again. Annabeth, as usual, was the first to get it. She gasped. "No, you don't—"

"Yes, sadly, I do," she said apologetically. "Come on guys, all the other demigods aren't really attention worthy to the gods besides us."

"Then why don't two of _you _guys do it instead?" Percy asked, blushing furiously.

"Well, we need Jason to fly us up, Leo can't act for his life, and, frankly, I don't see what I can do to attract attention with one of you guys," Piper said matter-of-factly. "And I know a few things you guys can do to attract attention."

"NO!"

Jason sighed. "Guys, it's to prevent _World War III._"

Annabeth looked like she was going to argue more, but Percy moaned, looking ashy and green like he was going to throw up. He put a hand on her shoulder. "Come on, Wise Girl, today is the day we throw away our dignity in front of our parents. Hooray."

* * *

They all sat down for dinner. The gods were at their thrones, unnecessary for them to eat. The demigods were all seated in fine white linen cloth covered tables, talking and nibbling on delicacies. Percy and Annabeth sat alone. Piper, Leo, and Jason sat nearest to the back so they could move around without attracting much attention.

Leo glanced around and then nodded to the two.

Percy bit his lip and then stood up, before clearing his throat and saying, "Uh…attention please?"

Aphrodite immediately felt her love senses tingle and clapped her hands sharply, screeching "QUIET!"

Everybody stopped and looked at her. She smiled serenely. "Thank you. To our hero, Percy Jackson."

All the Olympians and demigods turned to Percy and he couldn't help but squirm a bit. Then he took in another deep breath to settle his nerves and said, "Uh…uh… I'd like to, uh… say something to Annabeth chase in front of everyone?"

Aphrodite's breathing got hitched. She was hoping for some love, but then again, she always expected too much.

"I…love you?" he squeaked, face blushing red, and then leaned down, grabbed her face in his hands, pulled her a up a bit, and then kissed her in front of everyone.

Aphrodite squealed and clapped her hands. Athena and Poseidon's jaws dropped open. Yes, they were aware their children kissed every now and then. No, they never saw it before. Nor did they want to see it. In public, nonetheless.

"Aww," Hestia cooed as she tended the flames.

Hermes and Apollo smirked like they were saying _called it_. Hera and Zeus looked at them, interest slightly piqued but not very much. Hephaestus grunted and then looked back at the automaton on his lap. Dionysus belched and snapped his fingers for a magazine. Artemis made a disgusted face. Hades raised an eyebrow. Demeter gave them a tiny smile, thinking it was sweet.

The demigods began to hoot, giggle, cat call, and wolf whistle.

Annabeth was very red in the face but paled and looked alarmed. Percy heard Ares yawn behind him. They made eye contact, saying with their eyes, _not enough_.

Growing even redder, Percy put one arm behind her neck and another around her waist. Annabeth tensed before tangling her fingers into Percy's hair. She moved her body slightly to fit the crook of his body.

Aphrodite squealed even louder and jumped in her seat like she was going to take off.

Athena and Poseidon began to become slightly pink.

Hestia giggled nervously.

Hermes and Apollo chuckled and glanced at each other.

Hera and Zeus raised their eyebrows and look at each other.

Hephaestus looked up, hands still and looking slightly confused.

Dionysus belched again and didn't look up from his magazine.

Artemis looked scandalized.

Hades coughed into his hand uncomfortably.

Demeter blinked once.

The demigods grew silent, giving them a quiet shroud of awe. One person yelled, "More!" It was Leo. To the normal person, it would have been Leo being immature. But they could tell that Ares was not interested. Percy scowled underneath Annabeth's lips and then separated.

Aphrodite looked heart broken. Athena and Poseidon looked mollified.

Until, that is, he got down on one knee. Aphrodite didn't dare breathe. No. It was too much to ask for. This was one of her fantasies, is all. Athena and Poseidon grew purple.

"Annabeth Chase, on this fine, snowy night, while I have no ring, I ask you in front of all these people," Percy said, growing a color of maroon around the collar as he took her hand, "will you marry me?"  
Everybody went nuts. The Aphrodite cabin jumped up and down in their seats like their mother, squealing and giggling. Aphrodite looked like her dreams were coming true. Hermes and Apollo fell over each other laughing.

Athena and Poseidon turned burgundy.

Annabeth looked around and saw with horror that Ares was not looking excited at all. He looked bored and began looking around the room. Jason, Piper, and Leo were just next to him. They would need a huge distraction. Something that would get the war god excited.

Annabeth made eye contact with Percy and exchanged a conversation via eyes.

Annabeth: We've got to do it.

Percy: Holy Hera, you can't mean…

Annabeth: Yeah.

Percy: If we do, we die.

Annabeth: See you in Hades.

She closed her eyes and when she opened them her gray irises were dark with fury. "Marry you? The disgusting sea whelp?"

She grabbed her nectar bottle off of the table and then dumped it over his head with an apologetic grimace. He gave her a smile smirk to say, _I get it, _before his green eyes glinted with anger and he shot up.

"I was _trying _to get you happy, but of course you ruin it, just like always!"

"Just like always?" Annabeth spluttered. "You ignorant seas spawn! My mother was right about you, I should have listened to her."

Athena sprang up. "Yes, you should have, my daughter. But no worries, as long as the ocean sludge knows his place, it'll be fine. You are of no fault, he is!"

Poseidon jumped up. "Excuse me, but Perseus merely wished for a happy ending heroes cannot have, your daughter just crushed him!"

"Are you accusing me of something, you god of krill?"

"Yes, I am, do you have a problem with me, you nuisance of an immortal?"  
Aphrodite jumped up, livid. "This is not the time for that! You!" she prodded a perfectly manicured finger nail in Athena's direction. This is _your_ entirefault! You shaped her judgment incorrectly, and you RUINED PERCABETH! For that, you owl-eyed ugly goddess, you must _pay!_"

"And that is why I fell in love with her," Ares said smugly to Apollo who was trying to regain his breath.

"I hate you!" Annabeth screeched.

Percy momentarily forgot that this was all a farce. "Annabeth, we don't want to cause a scene—"

Her eyes said, _Seaweed Brain, that's exactly what we want to do!_

"FINE, THEN LET'S JUST FIGHT, RIGHT HERE, SO _EVERYONE _CAN SEE US!" Percy roared. "YOU NEVER LET ME DO WHAT I WANT!"

"Oh, so this is _my _problem," Annabeth said hysterically. "Go jump in a lake and try to drown!"

"You call yourself the daughter of wisdom. Please, you know I can't drown!"

"Why do you think I said try? Or do you not know the meaning of that word?"

Zeus sighed warily and stood up. "Come, my family, we must all calm down, this was a joyous occasion to reward—"

"SHUT UP!" All the other gods screamed at him.

"Godly fight!" Connor and Travis Stoll yelled and launched what their plates had at the Ares kids.

"I taught them so well," Hermes said fondly.

"ENOUGH!" Zeus bellowed. Everybody stopped. He glared at Percy and Annabeth. "Perseus Jackson, Annabeth Chase, for saving Olympus, I will allow your souls to be forgiven for disturbing the tranquility, but next time, I will not be so forgiving. Everyone, back to your seats!"

The two demigods looked at each other like, _oh-uh_. Leo and Piper had managed to go inside Ares's knapsack but were not yet out. If he turned right then and saw Jason surfing the air…

Percy: We have to do it.

Annabeth: I hate our lives.

Annabeth gave a fake sob and said, "Fine. I hope you're happy for ruining everything. You know what? My turn. I'll tell them!"

"Tell them _what_?" Percy said, putting a false edge of nervousness to his voice.

"You know what," she sobbed. "Everything. That night. The secret. I'll even tell them about the baby!"

It was stone silent. Even Zeus looked like someone had slapped him in the face with a dead fish. Aphrodite made the first bit of noise.

"The…baby?" she breathed. "Oh my."

And she fainted.

Athena was broken down into a sobbing wreck. She just fell to her knees and began bawling for the sad outcome of what could be her grandchild. Poseidon just stood there, pale, going _Athena's blood, my blood, one kid…Athena's blood, my blood, one kid…_

Leo hopped out of the backpack holding the magazine and waved like mad to Percy and Annabeth.

"You know what? I accept the proposal," Annabeth said hurriedly. "Mom, relax, it'll all be fine, a happy kid, I'll study parenthood, Poseidon, get a grip, everyone thank you for the night!"

"Oh, look at the time, better go get ready for our wedding and honey moon," Percy said, glancing at his wrist although he had no watch. "Toodles!"

He grabbed Annabeth's arm and they both sprinted like mad for the elevator. They all stared after them.

Hades spoke first tis time. "What the Hades was that?"

"No idea!" Leo sang as he stuffed the blackmail photos of the gods back into his backpack.


	2. Chapter 2

"We have a problem, guys," Piper said with a wince.

They were eating lunch in the dining pavilion. Frank and Hazel were in New Rome, dating (I don't think they'll be making much of an appearance in this fanfiction, sorry!)

"Oh, don't start, Ares stole Leo's blackmail album?" Percy said grimacing.

Piper turned and glared at said son of Hephaestus. "Really?! You made a blackmail _album_?"

"Hey, it's not my fault Hermes gets me too many goods to put in just a single magazine," Leo said, biting into his burger. "So what's this problem you're telling us about?"

She cleared her throat. "Well, there may be the tiniest possibility I accidentally posted Camp Half-Blood's address on the internet."

"WHAT?!" everybody screamed. Some heads turned.

Piper whispered, "Keep it down, will ya? Look, I just need to sneak into Chiron's office and use the computer for five minutes. And I need one of you guys to create a distraction."

"Another one?!" Percy gagged. "Really? We had to convince our parents we were drunk on eggnog after the last one and everything we said was a lie. We are not pulling the 'proposal' thing again until it's on _my _terms."

"Your terms?" Jason said with a raised eyebrow.

Both his and Annabeth's cheeks colored but pretended not to care. "What I'm saying is, Chiron keeps the key to the computer room locked up in a chest at the bottom of the lake. I'll get it."

"And I can probably crack Chiron's passcode," Annabeth piped up. "Which you won't be able to do. So this time, you three cause a distraction and we'll—"

"I am _not _giving you my Facebook password and ID," Piper deadpanned. "And I need Jason because I know Chiron keeps the second lock key up in the Ageless Sycamore, and there is no way in heck any one of us can climb that in five minutes."

Then they all turned to Leo who sighed and put his head in his hands. "Fine, if I have to. But there is one thing I'll need."

He leaned close to Piper and whispered it into her ear, looking this way and that suspiciously. Her eyes grew wide and she pushed him away. "No, uh-uh, I don't think so Leo, that'll happen the day the River Phlegathon freezes over!"

"Then I won't do it!" he said, crossing his arms and sitting down like a spoiled child. "Those are my conditions, Beauty Queen, take it or leave it."

She put one hand to her forehead and sighed. Any moment now, someone may come up to Camp Half-Blood, the fact there is an invisible force field will shock them, they'll tell someone else, and it'll be on the news in no time.

"Fine," Piper finally snapped. "You better not try to attempt murder like last time, though."

"Last time?" Annabeth said. "What are you talking about?"

Piper grudgingly stomped to the Dionysus table and tossed Pollux a drachma. He caught it without even looking up from his plate. "You're not giving it to Leo?"

"No," she said unconvincingly, but she added a tinge of charmspeak to it. "Of course not. And I won't tell either, don't worry."

"Here you go," he said, and tossed her a tall, thin, neon pink can with crazy neon yellow and green designs over it. Simply looking at it in detail made her head ache.

"I hope you're happy," Piper hissed as she gave it to Leo. His hands were outstretched, eyes wide with delirious happiness.

Jason read the label as Leo's trembling hands tried to pop the top. "Oh, Jupiter above, you can't be serious."

"I'm still confused," Percy said, eyebrows furrowed. "What is that?"

"A bottle of heart attack and craziness," Leo panted. "Also known as the Ultimate of Energy Drinks."

Annabeth heard that and kind of raised her shield as though it would protect her from the craziness. He finally popped the top and then began chugging it down like a pro, not letting one drop out.

"Ah!" he gasped, slamming the empty can onto the table. He sat there, grinning like mad. "It'll kick in any moment."

"I suggest we go. Like, NOW," Piper said nervously. The others began sprinting away.

Connor and Travis came and sat opposite of Leo, grinning. Travis held up a poker chip. "Hey, Valdez, you wanna play some poker?"

And then Leo's eyes grew wide, his pupils contracted, and his grin stretched a few more molars.

* * *

"MWAHAHAHAHA!" Percy heard as they ran away from the dining pavilion.

Annabeth groaned. "Is that…?"

Yes," they all said grimly. "Yes it is."

* * *

From Leo's hands came a tower of flames as he threw his head back and laughed wildly. "I AM THE NEW KRONOS, BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!"

Connor and Travis scrambled away, totally shocked. "What the Hades?!"

He skipped with blinding speed to the Hecate cabin's table, passing by the sushi belt to grab a handful of wooden chopsticks.

"HERE ARE YOUR WANDS, NOW BE HARRY POTTER!" he shrieked. "ACCIO LEO AND ALL THAT!"

Then he sprinted towards Katie and grabbed her by her shoulders, looking into her eyes with his. Then he began shaking her. "WHY ARE YOU AND TRAVIS NOT KISSING? YOU ARE RUINING THE HOPES OF COUNTLESS TRATIE FANS! I AM NOW SHUNING YOU!"

And then he smacked her across the face.

Katie put a hand over her red cheek and stared up at Leo with horror like he was some slimy thing she found at the bottom of her soup bowl. "What in the name of Demeter—"

"I HATE THIS DINING PAVILION!" Leo ranted, stomping up and down the Demeter table. "LET'S DEMOLISH IT! Clarisse, if you will, THE WRECKING BALL PLEASE!"

Clarisse stood there, stock still. "FINE, I'LL DO IT _MYSELF!_"

Leo shot countless fireballs at the wall and threw his head back and laughed again. "THIS BOY IS ON FIRE!"

"No, not the singing!" Connor moaned, putting his hands over his ears.

Suddenly, all the fireballs fizzled out. Leo stomped his foot. "NOOO! WHY NOT SIZZLES AND BOOM-BOOMS?!"

"Leo Valdez!" Chiron bellowed as he galloped into the dining pavilion. "What is going on?"

"Horsey!" Leo shrieked. "I want a pony ride!"

Chiron winced. He hated those words. "Leo, a hero cannot—"

Suddenly, Leo sat down and stared, eyes dull, at the ground. "Leo? Leo Valdez? Are you listening to—"

Then he looked up, eyes sharp as a needle.

* * *

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Jason heard as he floated down from the tall sycamore tree, key clutched in hand.

"Was that?"

Piper sighed. "Yeah. Stage Two."

"What?"

* * *

"NO!" Leo shrieked. He vaulted over Chiron (how the centaur had no idea.) He slapped Connor's hand and made him drop the spoon he was holding like a weapon. "Drop Spoonella!"

"Spoonella?" he said bewildered, dropping the spoon. Leo snatched it up.

"Oh, Spoonella, we're going to be HAPPY and live in a nice brownstone and have SIXTY-EIGHT CHILDREN!"

"That's slightly rushing into a relationship, don't you think, dude?" Travis said nervously.

"WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME YOU LOVE ME?!" Leo screamed as he shook the spoon. "We were _meant _for each other!"

Clarisse shook her head in exasperation. "Ok, punk, drop the—"

Leo whirled around and uppercut Clarisse under the chin, bounced away, and crouched, petting the spoon. He snarled, "My precious. No one touches my precious."

"Congratulations, Valdez, you have passed from Crazy to Even More Crazy," Connor said happily. "Bad news: You're going to be on the Even More Crazy side for a few more seconds because Clarisse is going to—"

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU, PUNK!"

"Exactly."

Piper, Jason, Percy, and Annabeth all rushed into the dining pavilion. The daughter of Aphrodite threw him a thumbs-up, but he was too far gone. Leo sat down and blinked like he was trying to remember his name, and then his smile stretched some more.

"Schist," Piper cursed. "Stage Three. Duck!"

Jason was still up even though everyone else ducked. "What? Why are we ducking? What is he going to do?"

Leo looked around, at a loss, until he laid eyes on Jason. Then he pounced like a cat, claws outstretched screaming.

"GAH!"

"DIE, GRACE!"

"What is going on?!" Jason asked as he held the snarling Leo away by shoving his forehead back. "Why is he trying to kill me? PIPER!"

Piper sighed. "Stage one: he goes crazy and tries to destroy everything. Stage two: he falls in love with the first inanimate object he sees. Stage three: he tries to kill the first person he lays eyes on. I was hoping we could skip this stage."

"YOU KILLED KHIOOOOOOOOOOONEEEEEE! SHE LOVED MEEEEE!" Leo screamed psychotically, still waving his arms like mad.

"Last time I checked, you battled Khione and then she blasted you to some other girl's island," Percy said.

"IT WAS PLAYING HARD TO GET!"

"Yup, he's deranged."

"I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP, JASON! WATCH OUT FOR—" Leo fell over and began snoring.

"Did he crash?"

"Yes."  
"Good."


End file.
